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A follow-up to the official magazine of Classy Living Society - the Classy Chronicles - Chronicles Too! is an online magazine which features amazing nonprofit organizations, awesome businesses and business owners, people doing great things in the community and more.
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“Hey Daddy – Is He the One?”

“Hey Daddy – Is He the One?”

I’ve been thinking about daddies and daughters a lot lately; well, that’s to say, I’ve been thinking about my own father a lot lately.  My father died in 1990, and I’ve lived long enough now that he’s been gone from my life almost as long as he was in my life.  I was just shy of 30 years old when my father died, but was married and had been out in the world on my own for a number of years.  At the time, I considered myself a grown woman, but looking back, I realize how much I could’ve benefited from his wise counsel during my 30’s, 40’s and now 50’s; particularly about relationships with men.

I found out years after my father died that he had certain opinions about some of the choices I made regarding my relationship at the time.  I had no idea because he never told me.  While I won’t go into what those opinions were, let’s just say had he voiced his opinions at the time, I probably would’ve still done my thing, but his words ringing in my ears would’ve made me more aware of what I was dealing with.  Like much in life, though, we have to learn some of the really hard lessons on our own – by living through them.  Oh, and by the way, turns out his opinions about the situation were correct.

That’s not to say that Daddy never advised, he did.  He didn’t say much; so if you asked his opinion, he’d get right to the point with a few short words – and that was that! And that was all I needed.  I valued his opinion, even more so as I’ve lived; so many things he tried to teach me that I was too hardheaded to listen to at the time are now “aha” moments.

For those women whose daddies were “good” men (and this means something different to everyone) – I’m sure at some point while out there dating or looking for a husband, you compared your prospects to your dad.  Oh, to find a man who possesses the same great attributes as your father!  I didn’t realize right away that I probably should’ve been looking for a man like my father and the men who were part of my village.  After being married twice, divorced twice, I now realize all men are not the same and that there are good men out there like our old school daddies.  Most importantly, I’ve learned that whatever happened in my marriages that wasn’t what I wanted – isn’t what I should be focusing on right now.  The more I dwell on the past, the more I am blocking the blessing of the right man finding me and vice versa.

I am looking for a man like my father.  Therefore, rather than focus on what happened with any other man, my focus should be about who my father was.  The man who took care of his family, treated my mother like the Queen she was, protected us, knew and loved God, was a leader, made decisions that involved the family and not just him, worked hard but spent genuine quality time with us when he was able and was funny, kind and loving.

I am by no means into checking off a long and rigid laundry list of standards for a man.  I have no misconceptions about marriage, I know marriages and relationships are hard work.  I know being in love with someone is no happily-ever-after fairy tale kind of thing.  But, you know what?  Because of what I know and the fact that I’m already single and on my own, I don’t have a problem taking the time to look for – and wait for – this man I’m talking about who is out there for me.  And with what I now can see clearly about my father through my grown woman eyes, I will already know the answer he would have for me when I ask, “Hey Daddy, is he the one?”

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Bettye Burney
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Bettye Burney

Hi Janine. It’s amazing how our dads are correct and we least want to respect their opinions, right or wrong. That’s when it leads to your quote in the second paragraph, “we have to learn from some of the really hard lessons on our own -by living them”. It’s a hard pill to swallow but so true. Thankful for the hard core dads that can say, ‘no he’s not the one!!!!’. Would save us a lot of purchasing pain relievers. Great read again my sister. Your Boaz is out there, and you will know.

Janice Campbell
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Janice Campbell

This was a great read and to another point .I think that one of the things we also need to look at when looking for a mate is how dies he treat the women in his life. My father was one of few words but never gave his opinion always looked for you to figure it out.

Jackie
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Jackie

I got married a year out of college and I thought I was ready to be a wife. You were correct when you said being married is hard work. It’s another full time job. After reading the article I reflected on my dad and asked myself, “Did I find a man just like my dad? The answer has to be in some ways yes. Let’s compare and contrast the two. They both give advice whether I ask or not especially if the issue seems pressing and I can’t make a decision. My father speaks in a calming voice and always… Read more »

Bianca Anderson
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Bianca Anderson

Janine, this was a great read! Thanks for sharing. A lot of women grow up without a father that is present in their lives so they don’t have a standard to hold men to. It’s always refreshing to hear about the good fathers and the mark that they left on the hearts of their families.

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