First a disclaimer: This post is directed towards my sisters: (a) it’s not intended to bash males or females; (b) it’s not because I think it only applies to us; (c) nor am I trying to be “preachy” because trust me when I say that this message applies to me as much as it does to anyone (maybe even moreso-ha!). With that said…
Let me bring your recollection to the famous line from the movie A Few Good Men when actor Jack Nicholson’s character says, “You can’t handle the truth!” Some of us (insert disclaimer) request that men tell us the truth about everything – and there’s not a thing wrong with that! But some of us (insert disclaimer) cannot handle the truth!
Here are three reasons why we can’t handle the truth:
Number One: Our overall level of trust is already tainted.
If a man is genuinely telling us the truth, we don’t believe it because so many men have lied to us in the past – our trust level is at ZERO!
Number Two: We hear what we want to hear.
When a man is telling us the truth, and it is the truth, we don’t want to hear it – we want to hear what we want to hear. Even as we look directly at his lips as they form the word “No”… even with our good eyeglasses on…we see and hear them saying “Yes”. I’ve become a firm believer that most mature men will tell you the truth about matters of the heart, etc. and will truly mean what they say. His response when you ask if he loves you is 99.99% transparent. If the answer is “no” and you’re looking for love – he ain’t it! I’m reminded of the story of the on-again-off-again relationship between CNN political analyst Angela Rye and rapper Common – she wants children, he does not – she moved on! There’s no time to waste, my sistah, sitting and waiting for someone who may never come around. Even if he does, let him check in at that time and you just may be available (or maybe not!) The truth shall set you free! On to the next!
Number Three: We are not prepared for hurt feelings or heartache.
Many times when we seek the truth from a man about a not-so-good situation, we already know the answer. Example: deep down inside, you know that scoundrel is cheating…but you ask him if he’s cheating anyway…and let him know he “betta not lie either”! Lord, when he doesn’t lie and ‘fesses up to cheating…! But you already knew, Sis! You just didn’t want to hear him say it and it causes pain you weren’t prepared for. Because – let’s face it, you really thought he was going to lie, even though you asked for the truth.
“We are only as blind as we want to be,” said Maya Angelou. In our relationships with others, oftentimes we seek the truth, yet are not equipped to handle genuine transparency. We also do not give thought to how we will react when we are told the truth – even if in our heart of hearts we already know the answer.
I have learned by my own experience not to seek information when I’m not prepared for the response. I’ve also learned to trust my instincts – when you feel like something is off, it is! Finally, I’ve learned that when the truth has been told, although it hurts today, this too shall pass. You’re better off there than living in an ivory tower. When you put on your big girl panties and handle the truth that you ask for, you’ll always know where you stand.
“Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good.” – Henry Rollins