#Relationships

First a disclaimer: This post is directed towards my sisters: (a) it’s not intended to bash males or females; (b) it’s not because I think it only applies to us; (c) nor am I trying to be “preachy” because trust me when I say that this message applies to me as much as it does to anyone (maybe even moreso-ha!).  With that said…

Let me bring your recollection to the famous line from the movie A Few Good Men when actor Jack Nicholson’s character says, “You can’t handle the truth!”  Some of us (insert disclaimer) request that men tell us the truth about everything – and there’s not a thing wrong with that!  But some of us (insert disclaimer) cannot handle the truth!

Here are three reasons why we can’t handle the truth:

Number One:  Our overall level of trust is already tainted.
If a man is genuinely telling us the truth, we don’t believe it because so many men have lied to us in the past – our trust level is at ZERO!  

Number Two: We hear what we want to hear.
When a man is telling us the truth, and it is the truth, we don’t want to hear it – we want to hear what we want to hear.  Even as we look directly at his lips as they form the word “No”… even with our good eyeglasses on…we see and hear them saying “Yes”.  I’ve become a firm believer that most mature men will tell you the truth about matters of the heart, etc. and will truly mean what they say.  His response when you ask if he loves you is 99.99% transparent.  If the answer is “no” and you’re looking for love  – he ain’t it!  I’m reminded of the story of the on-again-off-again relationship between CNN political analyst Angela Rye and rapper Common – she wants children, he does not – she moved on!  There’s no time to waste, my sistah, sitting and waiting for someone who may never come around.  Even if he does, let him check in at that time and you just may be available (or maybe not!)  The truth shall set you free!  On to the next! 

Number Three: We are not prepared for hurt feelings or heartache.
Many times when we seek the truth from a man about a not-so-good situation, we already know the answer.  Example: deep down inside, you know that scoundrel is cheating…but you ask him if he’s cheating anyway…and let him know he “betta not lie either”! Lord, when he doesn’t lie and ‘fesses up to cheating…!  But you already knew, Sis!  You just didn’t want to hear him say it and it causes pain you weren’t prepared for.  Because – let’s face it, you really thought he was going to lie, even though you asked for the truth.

“We are only as blind as we want to be,” said Maya Angelou.  In our relationships with others, oftentimes we seek the truth, yet are not equipped to handle genuine transparency.  We also do not give thought to how we will react when we are told the truth – even if in our heart of hearts we already know the answer.

I have learned by my own experience not to seek information when I’m not prepared for the response.  I’ve also learned to trust my instincts – when you feel like something is off, it is!  Finally, I’ve learned that when the truth has been told, although it hurts today, this too shall pass.  You’re better off there than living in an ivory tower.  When you put on your big girl panties and handle the truth that you ask for, you’ll always know where you stand.

“Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good.” – Henry Rollins

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She is the author of two successful books “Business Basics 101” and “ Ultimate Guide For Women Entrepreneurs”, and through her Dallas-based company, Empower Business Group, she assists start-ups, small businesses and entrepreneurs reach their full potential.  Say hello to Cecelia Nowlin, my spotlight of the week.  Feature link below!

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/cecelia-nowlin-2/

 

The Chronicles Too! is Classy Living Society’s online blog that features individuals, businesses and nonprofits doing amazing things in the community.  Get featured!  (Link below)

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/about/#featured

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The name speaks for itself – Confluence. It is where confidence meets influence! One should never underestimate the influence you have over others.  Meet Charlie Marcol…whose mission is to inspire and empower women of all ages, ethnicities and backgrounds.  Read her story on the Chronicles Too!  Link below:

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/charlie-marcol/

The Chronicles Too! is Classy Living Society’s online blog that features individuals, businesses and nonprofits doing amazing things in the community.  Get featured!  (Link below)

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/about/#featured

 

 

 

 

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Self-care is all the rage these days and more and more women are coming to the realization that we need to pour into ourselves before we can pour into anyone else.  When you say you love and honor yourself, do you really love and honor yourself enough?  That’s where Judith Dials comes in; she founded Mature Enough (M.E.), an organization that teaches ladies how to love themselves ENOUGH, which will help them receive the benefits of self-love and a life of pure inner happiness and better relationships.

Read more about Mature Enough on the Chronicles Too! – feature link below:

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/judith-dials/

The Chronicles Too! is Classy Living Society’s online blog that features individuals, businesses and nonprofits doing amazing things in the community.  Get featured!  (Link below)

https://cls-volunteer.org/ChroniclesToo/about/#featured

 

 

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At the touch of a button; at the command of a few keystrokes – technology has made communication a lot easier and better.  Or has it?

I met my ex-husband at a club in 1995 (shout-out to the old Club 112 in Atlanta!), and although we aren’t together anymore, I will always consider it a truly memorable night.  I was smitten right away!  He wrote his phone number on a paper cocktail napkin (he had perfect handwriting – which was a ++ to me), and on it, he also wrote “Please call me.”  The next day I called him and we met in person at Applebee’s that evening.  We hit it off right away and the rest is history – love and marriage.  I kept the cocktail napkin as a memento of our meeting; and I still have it today.

Now, this was “back in the day”, when entering code *69 on your phone would tell you who just called and hung up when you answered.  You had your own pager code to identify yourself to someone you paged (Beep-beep).  The pre-mobile phones everywhere era.  People actually saw each other and talked to one another rather than stand around staring at their phone screens.

Nowadays, technology, email, texting and “sliding into the DM’s”, etc. has changed the dating scene by activating the perpetual “texter.”  You know, those who will only communicate with you online or via text message or DM.  Now, I’m not too old fashioned that I won’t engage in a good text or email exchange – but that’s after I already know you.  Here’s how I see it – with online dating, you shoot a couple of messages back and forth to see if there’s a connection; if so, you exchange phone numbers and make plans to meet in person.  Yet somehow, and as mentioned in my earlier blog post “Online Dating…Is it for You? Is it for Anybody??”, there are the ones whom you have the greatest conversations with on the phone and online into infinity and beyond, but they just never seem to get around to asking to meet you in person.

I want to meet a guy I’ve met online in person – look into his eyes, hear his voice, feel his energy.  I want to get in his space before I tell all of my business in an email, text or telephone call.  To me, it’s the only genuine way for me to determine if I really like him or not and vice versa – if he really likes me!  How many times have you conversed a kazillion times with someone you met online and when you finally meet him/her in person, it’s a “no”?  At that point, it really makes you wish you never shared all your good business with someone you’re not going to interact with in the future.

Yes, bygone are the days when we wrote our phone numbers on the palm of someone’s hand, on a gum wrapper or a cocktail napkin and hoped that they would call.  Side note: it was also the day we could give a fake phone number to get rid of someone in your face – nowadays men will ask you to call them from your phone to get your digits. Ha!  (Gotcha!)

Because we have the easy access of email and texting and DM’ing…doesn’t mean we now need to forego getting into each other’s physical space.  We don’t need to lose the ability to have face-to-face contact and get our flirt on.  We shouldn’t miss the inter-personalities of eye contact and a smile, gestures and body language.  Watching someone’s lips say “I like you” is wayyyy better than receiving a text message that says it.  Sliding into the DM’s can never replace the experience of the best nonverbal component of interaction – human touch.

The next time you meet someone online, it’s okay to message a few times or maybe have a phone call or two.  But if somewhere in there, you’ve figured out you have an interest, somebody (and the old school part of me thinks it should be him) should arrange a coffee or cocktail date – and the sooner the better.

What do you think?  Are you in agreement with me and have a desire to meet in person early on?  Or are you okay with strictly online and text communications with the opposite sex?

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I’ve been thinking about daddies and daughters a lot lately; well, that’s to say, I’ve been thinking about my own father a lot lately.  My father died in 1990, and I’ve lived long enough now that he’s been gone from my life almost as long as he was in my life.  I was just shy of 30 years old when my father died, but was married and had been out in the world on my own for a number of years.  At the time, I considered myself a grown woman, but looking back, I realize how much I could’ve benefited from his wise counsel during my 30’s, 40’s and now 50’s; particularly about relationships with men.

I found out years after my father died that he had certain opinions about some of the choices I made regarding my relationship at the time.  I had no idea because he never told me.  While I won’t go into what those opinions were, let’s just say had he voiced his opinions at the time, I probably would’ve still done my thing, but his words ringing in my ears would’ve made me more aware of what I was dealing with.  Like much in life, though, we have to learn some of the really hard lessons on our own – by living through them.  Oh, and by the way, turns out his opinions about the situation were correct.

That’s not to say that Daddy never advised, he did.  He didn’t say much; so if you asked his opinion, he’d get right to the point with a few short words – and that was that! And that was all I needed.  I valued his opinion, even more so as I’ve lived; so many things he tried to teach me that I was too hardheaded to listen to at the time are now “aha” moments.

For those women whose daddies were “good” men (and this means something different to everyone) – I’m sure at some point while out there dating or looking for a husband, you compared your prospects to your dad.  Oh, to find a man who possesses the same great attributes as your father!  I didn’t realize right away that I probably should’ve been looking for a man like my father and the men who were part of my village.  After being married twice, divorced twice, I now realize all men are not the same and that there are good men out there like our old school daddies.  Most importantly, I’ve learned that whatever happened in my marriages that wasn’t what I wanted – isn’t what I should be focusing on right now.  The more I dwell on the past, the more I am blocking the blessing of the right man finding me and vice versa.

I am looking for a man like my father.  Therefore, rather than focus on what happened with any other man, my focus should be about who my father was.  The man who took care of his family, treated my mother like the Queen she was, protected us, knew and loved God, was a leader, made decisions that involved the family and not just him, worked hard but spent genuine quality time with us when he was able and was funny, kind and loving.

I am by no means into checking off a long and rigid laundry list of standards for a man.  I have no misconceptions about marriage, I know marriages and relationships are hard work.  I know being in love with someone is no happily-ever-after fairy tale kind of thing.  But, you know what?  Because of what I know and the fact that I’m already single and on my own, I don’t have a problem taking the time to look for – and wait for – this man I’m talking about who is out there for me.  And with what I now can see clearly about my father through my grown woman eyes, I will already know the answer he would have for me when I ask, “Hey Daddy, is he the one?”

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